Swinging Both Ways
by hardxfreakinxcore
Summary: A simple misinterpretation of 'swinging' leads to utter chaos, stupidity, and a horrible attempt at humor! Please comment, and I accept constructive criticism and suggestions as well!


Hello! Thanks for reading another one of my stories! If you're wondering about my multi-chap story, then don't worry, it'll come EVENTUALLY. Can't say when though, because I've been suffering from a huge writer's block with chapter 3. Check out my profile for when it should be done, etc etc etc.

In case you're not familiar with the term, 'swinging both ways' means you like both guys and girls.

Also: If you have NO idea what the hell Naruto is talking about when he's thinking about his ramen at the beginning, it's kind of a parody of the phrase, "Nothin says lovin like cookin from the oven!" Only a couple of my friends got that on the first read, so I thought I should mention that.

Um, yeah, I don't own Naruto or any of its characters, and I have NO control over their sexuality. This is NOT Yaoi, just a failed attempt at humor.

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"Swinging Both Ways"

_Aaah… Nothin' says lovin' like ramen from the… Ichiraku Ramen… Wait, that doesn't rhyme! _Naruto finally lifted his head out of his take-out ramen, stopping to think for a moment. _Oh well. Let's just relax today. It's Saturday. It's gorgeous out. It's… Saturday… It's…_

"NARUTO!"

Naruto snapped out of his reverie of a few moments earlier and eyed the fool who _dared _to bother him on a Saturday, more importantly, to bother him on a Saturday _while eating ramen. _The fiend.

"What the… _Kiba!_"

"Guess what!" Kiba's expression was a combination of wonderment and ecstasy, with his hands trembling in excitement.

"…" Naruto quirked an eyebrow, questioning Kiba's mental stability. Even a hyperactive fox demon has his limits.

Kiba strode a few steps closer and, suddenly; a hesitant look momentarily possessed him. After pausing for a dramatic effect, he whispered to Naruto loudly. "Iruka-sensei… well, no matter how many times you'll refuse to accept it, _swings both ways_."

"WHAT!" Naruto gaped in disbelief and his jaw dropped to the cold, hard ground. Really. It did.

"Heh heh. I guess you've never seen him look at Kakashi, right?" Naruto shook his head in response. "Still don't believe me?" Naruto glared. "Well, okay, but before you make a final decision, get a load of THIS!" and he thrust a photo of his beloved teacher in his face. Naruto gasped.

"NO! It… can't be! That has to be the GAYEST smile I've ever seen on a guy other than Sasuke and Neji!"

"Told ya!" and Kiba felt mighty proud of his "achievement". True, the picture in fact portrayed an obviously drunk Iruka, but it's not like Naruto would ever catch on or anything.

"No way! I can't believe Iruka-sensei swings both ways!" and he crossed his arms to finalize his statement.

"I do!" claimed a new voice. Rock Lee waved as he joined their newly formed social triangle.

"SEE! Lee does, too!"

Naruto's eyes widened, and then pointed an accusatory finger at Lee (A/N His INDEX finger). "YOU SWING BOTH WAYS!"

"_What? _No! I was referring to Iruka! My only love is your gorgeous pink-haired teammate, Sakura!"

Naruto mumbled under his breath, clenching his fists.

"What about Iruka?" yet another unknown voice asked.

The social triangle faced the speaker. Chouji approached the three genins as he gorged himself with chips. Naruto, Lee, and Kiba were dangerously close to exploding.

"HE SWINGS BOTH WAYS!"

Chouji stared at them for a long while, apparently lost in thought. Then: "I swing both ways. Who DOESN'T swing both ways?" he asked, shrugging all the while.

"WE DON'T!" they hollered, also taking several fairly large steps away from him.

"Really? I always thought it was impossible to swing only one way. You can't swing if you don't swing both ways!"

"I don't swing at all," spoke a voice _way _deeper than any twelve-year-old boy's should be. And THAT could only be Sasuke, of course. Or Neji. Or Shino. Or ALL OF THEM, since they, too, strolled over to the social square in a manner that was the epitome of badass.

"…………….…" Shino… existed.

"Me neither," Neji added. Lee slammed his fist into the air. "I KNEW IT!" and he ran over and whispered to Naruto and Kiba. "I was _right!_ Neji's asexual after all!"

"This'll teach Sakura a lesson! She always thinks I'm crazy whenever I tell her about 'Sasgay'. Why do you suppose his parents named him that? _Because he's gay. _It's totally foreshadowing, I swear!"

"Same here with Shino!" Kiba shouted, completely forgetting they were whispering.

Shino raised an eyebrow._ I think Kiba's been taking too many of those Hyorogan pellets… I should warn him about that. Or maybe this is just his typical lunacy…_

_Sigh. _"I am unable to fathom the reasoning of an idiot." Yes, that was Shino. He SPOKE.

"Was that a shot at me?" Kiba shot angrily. "Oh yeah? Well, you're just pissed off 'cause you're ASEXUAL!" and he placed a hand on his hip (A/N Not in a girly type of way... in a Kiba type of way) and stuck his tongue out in his direction.

"…… I won't even dignify that with a response."

Neji glanced at Sasuke. "Why're we here again?"

"To prove we're better, like always."

"Oh."

"What are you all doing? Or did I just ask something I shouldn't? Or rather, something I _really_ don't want to know the answer to?" a lethargic voice inquired.

"Hey Shikamaru!" Chouji called. "These guys are acting really weird."

Lee, being in his own little world, blurted, "Hey! If Neji's asexual, then he'll have to reproduce by cutting off his own arms and legs! How funny!" and the exuberant boy slapped his knee, then collapsed in laughter.

Neji's eye twitched. "What the HELL!"

Shikamaru stuffed his hands in his pockets and sighed heavily. "Maybe I should just leave…"

"It's true, Neji. You don't swing at all, remember?"

"Yeah, but you can hang with Shino and Sasuke," Naruto said. "They don't swing, either. There's nothing to be embarrased about," and he tried his best to restrain himself from laughing. Needless to say, he failed.

"Um, what do swings have to do with anything?" Shikamaru questioned.

Ignoring Shikamaru's usage of 'swing,' Kiba answered his question, "Well… OKAY. See, I told Naruto that Iruka swings both ways, then we told Lee and he was like, 'I knew that'. Then, Chouji walks up, we told him, and then he says, 'Yeah, well I swing both ways. Why can't you?' And we were like, 'whoa!'. Then, those three walk up and were like, 'Dude, I don't swing at all'. Actually, Shino didn't say anything but its implied he thought that. THEREFORE, we concluded that Chouji is gay, and Sasuke, Shino, and Neji are asexual."

"………… You three……… are the most idiotic people I've had the misfortune to befriend. They were talking," Shikamaru took a deep breath, "about SWINGS! Like, a swing set!"

And, at that, Naruto, Kiba, and Lee's jaws dropped to the cold, hard ground. Really. They did.

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And THAT is the end. Please comment, I really appreciate it. I welcome constructive criticism because this is only my third story and I'd love some tips for next time. 

Oh yeah, in case your brain needs a refresher, the Hyorogan pellets were the pills Kiba and Akamaru took during the preliminary match with Naruto.


End file.
